Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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