i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
