i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
