3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
