We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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