I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
