Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
