hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
