If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
