Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
