The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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