Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
