you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
