You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
