I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
