If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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