True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
