does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
