Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
