i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
