1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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