Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
