i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
