i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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