All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
