addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
