Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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