pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
