I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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