You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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