just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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