If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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