You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
