who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
