And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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