She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
