no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
