apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
