I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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