I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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