last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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