I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
