C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
