On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
