dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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