his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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