sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
