I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
