You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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