Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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